job frustrations.

job frustrations.

“Nothing turns out right, there’s no end in sight, I hate my life” – Theory of a Deadman

Do you ever think about scenarios and end up putting yourself in a bad mood because you didn’t like the outcome of your thoughts? I’ve been doing this to myself a lot lately. It all stems from me wanting to bartend in lieu of my current profession. However seeing as I’m going to be on probation for a while I’m not sure if I can. One of the probation terms could be to “not frequent establishments that sell alcohol”. Or something along those lines, I don’t know I’m not a lawyer. To me, that translates into not being able to work at a bar. And on the more obvious note, not hang out at bars either.

I just feel like I’m getting trapped at my job that I hate. Trapped in the sense that I wouldn’t be able to make enough money to survive by starting something else. I just want a job where I can clock in, work my shift, and then clock out. Ya know? Just put down the wrench at the end of the day, or in this case, the beer stein. I’m sick of leaving a job at the end of the day stressed about where I left off. The only way to describe it is like having a dark cloud looming over you 24/7. I don’t want to deal with that kind of shit anymore. I feel like I’m actually going insane, and not the good kind of insane either. The kind of insane where you want to hurl yourself off the roof of a building like a Chinese apple employee.

I am aware that I put myself in this situation. Not anyone else, me. So I don’t have anyone to be mad at but myself. I’m just frustrated. I finally realized what I want to try and accomplish with this existence but it’s like life is trying to bar me from it. Short term, I want to move into a studio apartment in the heart of a city, write, and play music. long-term, I want to be a writer and a musician. To me, bartending would be the perfect way to fund my short-term goal while I work on my long-term goal. And I know could easily accomplish these goals with my current job. However, I don’t want to be stressed anymore. Is that too much to ask for world? 

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