a back up excuse.

a back up excuse.

“Layin low, want to take it slow, no more hiding or disguising truths I’ve sold.” – Alice in Chains

That’s all tentative is. An excuse to fall back on when you over sell and under deliver. A safety net, if you will. I’ve been in a tentative mind set since my funk started in March. In work, I’m making promises about getting material onsite by a certain date. Or getting pricing/ some other bullshit over to a customer by this time. I have had plans to send a check to my new 401K company and clean my room for the past 6 months but as you can see from the picture, I have shit piling up in corners and if you zoom in you might see the check in the vicinity of the record player. I can’t fucking deliver. Side note I think that’s the early stages of hoarding. You pile shit on top of each other in corners of your home and clean around them instead of throwing it away or finding an appropriate place for it. It’s like the adaptive stage of alcoholism.

I think I just hate doing mundane tasks. I need constant stimulation otherwise I slip into a stage of lazy depression and hate myself for not taking care of these little things. But instead of getting these things done, I procrastinate for months until the last minute and take care of it in stressed frenzy. Not a healthy or efficient way of life. I will note that I have no issues starting new projects though. I’m always stimulated when I’m doing something new. It’s been a recurring theme of my life, when the going gets tough I toss all things aside and start something new. “I rack a disciprine.” to put it in Southpark terms. Or maybe I’m just ADD. I need Adderall.

Edit: I said “I’m always stimulating” instead of “I’m always stimulated”.. Fucking idiot

via Daily Prompt: Tentative

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